I was visiting with a friend recently and our conversation steered into our position on “the God thing”. I wanted to know. I listened while he patiently answered my questions about his journey toward God. When he came to talking about his church going, he pointed it out to me as something he’d discovered kept him away from vices he’d broken up with for good. At that i asked him if he was aware of other things he was doing that were also keeping him on the straight and narrow. And now i ask you. Certain things i keep in my life on purpose have been sign posts in my life pointing me to God and away from vices, i share them here.
CHURCH
Church was God’s idea. Like a Father he wants his children to gather in one place and be fed like children in a family gathering at the dining table at meal times. Everything set on the table is meant to be enjoyed from the opening prayer, the offering of praise and worship through singing, the sharing from the bible, the offering of money as a representation of our surrender of the material things God has allowed us to have e.t.c.
Regardless of what i find in a service, whether it be poor sound quality or a boring message (yep, that happens!), i try to enjoy being in my Father’s house savouring the varied flavours of his presence.
God also wants us to grow in fellowship not in isolation. Think of it like a pack of animals in the forest. They graze together, drink together and travel together. Why do you think they do that? They are safe from predators when they are together! Like the predator, the devil is always hanging around the pack looking for the one that leaves the group or lags behind. The predator can chase the solitary and the prodigal but he can’t chase the entire pack. So remain planted in church. Go when you feel like it and when you don’t feel like it. God will know you are making an effort and bless you for it.
3 reasons not to quit going to church
1. Don’t quit because you are still slipping into sin
The best place for a child of God to be is in the presence of God, that’s the only place where when he falls down trying to stand he will be picked up. That’s the only place where we are promised we will receive grace and find mercy when we need it. God will sometimes use another sensitive person in church to show you His mercy or he will let you feel His mercy. Hang in there and keep hearing the word of God and those stubborn sins will die and drop like bad fruit falling off a healthy tree.
2. The politics
There is politics in church. Live with it. Church folks can hurt you like no unbelieving folks can but remember when you come to meet with God, God comes to meet with you and he can go around those people to get around to you.
3. Hypocritical and critical people
There’s probably someone in the choir, someone in the pastorate and someone in church who has buried a black wolfish fur under white wool. They make you feel like everyone in church is a hypocrite (this may be true in some cases but find out if the pastor is sincere, if s/he walks the talk and if the majority is sincere, but don’t let the black sheep get in your way). Believe me, sometimes this people are planted by the Devil in church to detract from the testimony of that church (the bible relates in the book of Job a situation where when the children of God appeared before Him the devil came as well).
Finally, if the church has issues and you are not growing, find another pastor and find another church. When i was moving to a new city a few years ago i prayed about where to go to church and i believe several years later that God ordered my steps to the right environment for me to grow.
CHOIR
I have always been involved in a department in church and what i have learnt is that it holds you accountable. When you know that you are representing Christ and people see you doing stuff in church, it’s hard to step out during the week and just do what your flesh tells you to. It’s also an environment where you are constantly reminded to be holy, to take the high road and live above sin so it preserves your very soul. Besides you’re too busy doing ministry to find time to get into trouble.
Like a real member of the household, try to get out of the crowd and come into the core; don’t just be a stranger in your father’s house watching askance not participating in what your father is doing. Some churches are not as open as others in this area, but if yours is and you can, then get involved. CAVEAT- if you are struggling with an area in your life that is a dishonour to a ministry you want to serve in within the church, it helps to get it sorted first by getting counselling and help in that area and when you have victory over that sin you can be an even better witness as a church worker or leader.
READING THE BIBLE
The word of God puts the fear of God in you and the fear of God provides the restraint to keep you pure. What happens is, whenever a thought to do wrong rises up in your mind, the word of God will counter that thought with a thought that prompts you to honour God. When you don’t know what the bible says, either from reading it yourself or from hearing it said in church or among your friends, then there is no defence in you to protect you from doing what you don’t want to do. There is no power to overcome temptation. There is no fear of God to restrain you. There is no inner power to exercise the muscle of self control.
PRAYING
Two Sundays ago the pastor reiterated a phrase which the choir had put to song, “More prayer, more power, less prayer, less power”. It reminded me to pray more. Prayer is talking to God. Anyone can talk to Him; there are no qualifications or requirement. God says in Jeremiah 33: 3- “Call to me and i will answer...” A simple way to see prayer is having a conversation with God where you can talk about everything. You can talk about how you feel and what you need; you can ask God for help and for more of his presence in your life. I pray when i am missing a set of keys, i confide in God when i intend to do something wrong, i pray in the bathroom, in the car on the way to work and in my head. You can pray about anything when you really believe God when he says in his word that he is concerned about every detail of your life. He is!
FASTING
Fasting has been missing in my life for a few years now. I intend to jump start that by getting this book on fasting. But i can tell you that God can deliver you out of the grip of sin, the hassles of life and the power of oppression when you fast.
LIKE- MINDED FRIENDS
Oh whats that over used maxim about friends? “Birds of the same feather flock together”? The bible puts it this way- “bad companions ruin good morals”. Good morals are not to be found in friends who lack them in the first place.
EYES AND EARS- WHAT YOU SEE, WHAT YOU HEAR
What we see and what we hear are windows into our hearts. They are the ways we feed things in our minds that live there. If we want certain things in our lives to die we need to starve ‘em by not seeing or hearing ‘em but if we want other things to grow, we need to feed ‘em by seeing and hearing more of ‘em.
YOUR HANDS AND FEET- WHAT YOU TOUCH, WHERE YOU GO
Jesus taught that if a part of your body like your hand is causing you to sin, chop it off. I don’t think he means for us to harm ourselves, what he was saying figuratively was to cut off from things we shouldn’t put our hands into or places we shouldn’t go to. Better to do without them than to go to hell with them.
The problem with sin is it can be a one stubborn, life- long stain on our conscience- its high maintenance. I don’t want to continually pay with my innocence and my conscience just to keep up with a sinful habit. God’s power is at work in us through the Holy Spirit and in combination with one or more of the eight signposts i shared above to give us a wise and blessed life. Live it today!
Omonaikee
March 15, 2011
February 26, 2011
What is she thinking?
I stole a glance at the round face of my wrist watch before resuming feigned attention at the owner of the baritone voice i had been listening to. His eyes caught me off guard just then and i held my breath. I still hadn’t gotten used to his piercing gaze and doubted i ever would. “He fine”, i said to myself in the American accent for emphasis. Lowering my gaze for fear that he could read my thoughts, i pretended to listen again while i resolved the fate of our friendship in my mind.
There was a certain hardness about him. Hardness he’d need a desperate emotion like loneliness or loss to thaw. I could tell by practised intuition that he had ice blocks where more tender emotions used to be. He wasn’t ready. Presently, his question woke me out of my thoughts.
“Yes let’s go” i answered managing a small smile.
I had my answer.
The expectation in his eyes pinched me and i quickly remembered to add that we should do this again sometime.
Saidu was handsome and wise beyond his year and peers but i couldn’t shake off my woman instincts. They had never failed me before. Someone once said a woman can take one look at a man and tell many things about him, i wondered if i had the gift. I could be very intuitive and whenever i met someone my emotions worked like a scanner, reading the upbeats and tempo of the other heart, trying to sense or pick any signals of who they were and could be. I had seldom been wrong and now considered myself a good judge of character. And then there’s always the tell tale sign to rely on...
The tell tale sign says that people very often tell you the truth about themselves when you meet them the first time. Like someone may say “i get annoyed easily” and you gloss over that thinking they mean they are human and can get upset but then they manifest a really touchy personality, expect perfection or are drastic in their response when angered and you suddenly begin to wonder where that came from, but hey they told you that before! Or someone says “ i am impatient” and something about the angle that the light catches their eyes leaves you thinking “oh, he is so sincere!” meanwhile the guy is really telling you where his horns are and little wonder when two months down the road, you come late for a date and he’s gone.
Another person tells you he is principled, you think he means that he is disciplined and focused but he is really saying “i am not flexible”, “i want things done my way” or “it’s either my way or nothing”! Another says giving a woman gifts spoils her, you seat there dreamy eyed thinking this guy wants to do the right things at the right time, but three months later you are still negotiating with him to consider dropping you at the airport, buying you that extension you oh so wanted but couldn’t afford, or taking you out for ice cream! Saidu had said something about being better on his own. Hmmmmm.... that worried me!
When i looked at Saidu i couldn’t explain what i saw but it was there. It was there when he ordered that elderly gateman in a rude voice to open the gate for him! Alarm bells chimed lightly in my head as i remembered something someone had said to me before “ if he cannot be nice to the waiter but is nice to you, he is not nice”. It showed when he walked into my office and wouldn’t speak to anyone in more than a few words until i was there. It showed up in a smirk on his face whenever i was socialising with people of lesser rank.
But could i tell Saidu the truth? When people say “I am not ready for this right now”, don’t they really mean “ i hope you take the hint and leave me alone?” And while the option to lie that i already had a relationship was tempting, i preferred the safe but patronising and over- used “let’s just be friends”. I simply couldn’t tell him i was scared he would break my heart because he came across as emotionally aloof- that type of human who can detach from you in a heartbeat and without a second thought. No, that would require a painful process of explanations. Besides i would be bruising his ego and risking his resentment of me or i might even be instigating him to try harder. Both options i wanted to avoid.
Should i call Saidu, not to tell him i think he can be a cold fish sometimes but to tell him i really don’t think anything can happen between us and just want us to stay friends?
My ringtone breaks through my thoughts, it takes only a minute to see who the caller is...
OMG!
It’s Saidu...
DISCLAIMER!
The events and characters purported to appear in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real or imagined persons met and unmet is purely ingenious on my part! Wink wink! Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a certain hardness about him. Hardness he’d need a desperate emotion like loneliness or loss to thaw. I could tell by practised intuition that he had ice blocks where more tender emotions used to be. He wasn’t ready. Presently, his question woke me out of my thoughts.
“Yes let’s go” i answered managing a small smile.
I had my answer.
The expectation in his eyes pinched me and i quickly remembered to add that we should do this again sometime.
Saidu was handsome and wise beyond his year and peers but i couldn’t shake off my woman instincts. They had never failed me before. Someone once said a woman can take one look at a man and tell many things about him, i wondered if i had the gift. I could be very intuitive and whenever i met someone my emotions worked like a scanner, reading the upbeats and tempo of the other heart, trying to sense or pick any signals of who they were and could be. I had seldom been wrong and now considered myself a good judge of character. And then there’s always the tell tale sign to rely on...
The tell tale sign says that people very often tell you the truth about themselves when you meet them the first time. Like someone may say “i get annoyed easily” and you gloss over that thinking they mean they are human and can get upset but then they manifest a really touchy personality, expect perfection or are drastic in their response when angered and you suddenly begin to wonder where that came from, but hey they told you that before! Or someone says “ i am impatient” and something about the angle that the light catches their eyes leaves you thinking “oh, he is so sincere!” meanwhile the guy is really telling you where his horns are and little wonder when two months down the road, you come late for a date and he’s gone.
Another person tells you he is principled, you think he means that he is disciplined and focused but he is really saying “i am not flexible”, “i want things done my way” or “it’s either my way or nothing”! Another says giving a woman gifts spoils her, you seat there dreamy eyed thinking this guy wants to do the right things at the right time, but three months later you are still negotiating with him to consider dropping you at the airport, buying you that extension you oh so wanted but couldn’t afford, or taking you out for ice cream! Saidu had said something about being better on his own. Hmmmmm.... that worried me!
When i looked at Saidu i couldn’t explain what i saw but it was there. It was there when he ordered that elderly gateman in a rude voice to open the gate for him! Alarm bells chimed lightly in my head as i remembered something someone had said to me before “ if he cannot be nice to the waiter but is nice to you, he is not nice”. It showed when he walked into my office and wouldn’t speak to anyone in more than a few words until i was there. It showed up in a smirk on his face whenever i was socialising with people of lesser rank.
But could i tell Saidu the truth? When people say “I am not ready for this right now”, don’t they really mean “ i hope you take the hint and leave me alone?” And while the option to lie that i already had a relationship was tempting, i preferred the safe but patronising and over- used “let’s just be friends”. I simply couldn’t tell him i was scared he would break my heart because he came across as emotionally aloof- that type of human who can detach from you in a heartbeat and without a second thought. No, that would require a painful process of explanations. Besides i would be bruising his ego and risking his resentment of me or i might even be instigating him to try harder. Both options i wanted to avoid.
Should i call Saidu, not to tell him i think he can be a cold fish sometimes but to tell him i really don’t think anything can happen between us and just want us to stay friends?
My ringtone breaks through my thoughts, it takes only a minute to see who the caller is...
OMG!
It’s Saidu...
DISCLAIMER!
The events and characters purported to appear in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real or imagined persons met and unmet is purely ingenious on my part! Wink wink! Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 17, 2011
The Phantom of Valentine
This past valentines day was spent sorrounded by all of my favorite things. The day actually started at dusk and there i was in a little dress and sparkling silver shoes complete with a tomboy haircut, thoroughly enjoying every minute! This year, i dedicate my valentine’s piece not to the market segment that febraury 14th has become branded and commercialized for, but to the lovers it ignores. Those who this season reminds of a love lost or wasted. Those who remember a love they never had or ever owned but one that tasted, tested, and had them.
This valentines my heart goes out to lovers who got stuck on the way and unable to figure it out, gave up and parted ways. My heart goes out to the hearts stuck in reverse praying a lost love back home. To the newcomer, finding himself, indeed herself, in a virgin place of vulnerablility; to the fearful afraid to take the plunge; to the unprepared shocked that so hard a thing could be demanded of them; and to the one who has been there and done that, and has now taken form in a cold heart banging the door firmly and finally on love.
My heart does not ignore the lover who is folded in a nurturing embrace where she has found her heart’s resting place, for i completely understand her. I know her joy, i muse at her abandon, i understand her smile and i recognise her rich laughter, no i don’t ignore her, not at all! She is standing in a rich place and standing tall, she is holding in her heart the very stuff that this world is made of. Loved by her prince whose heart and kingdom is laid to her claim, she can’t be ignored. Yes, i see her and the world sees her.
But what about the girl , the woman, the woman- girl who hides what lies beneath, what must not be known , what must not be seen? The one who scolds her desire like it’s a bastard child, turning her face adamantly away from it as though she was raped by love and now she hates it’s child- this bundle of weakening emotions that remind her of hungry thrusts that took and took and took.
I am writing for the disappointed who thought that love will be the missing link that makes life complete. I am writing for the true lover who came to love on a level ground and gave it 100% but found something else. Although it was called love, it manifested itself as selfish and one- sided. I am writing for the soul like a bruised reed bent in the wind, praying her broken heart wont break.
To the one who found herself ravaged like a house without gates. The one attacked by enemy forces banging against her walls of defense. With one last heave they reach her deepest, and all she hears is the eerie harmony of voices; his pitch with stolen pleasure, hers only cry, tears a last defense.
But God doesn’t sleep...
This season, i write for women on both sides of the valentine dream. For the woman experiencing the phantom and the woman experiencing the phantasy of valentine. For the woman ensconced and the woman scorned. For the woman fallen in love and the woman fallen out of love.
At the end of the day, it is not about how we have been loved but about how we have loved – wrongly or rightly; poorly or richly; sparingly or generously.
Happy Valentine.
This valentines my heart goes out to lovers who got stuck on the way and unable to figure it out, gave up and parted ways. My heart goes out to the hearts stuck in reverse praying a lost love back home. To the newcomer, finding himself, indeed herself, in a virgin place of vulnerablility; to the fearful afraid to take the plunge; to the unprepared shocked that so hard a thing could be demanded of them; and to the one who has been there and done that, and has now taken form in a cold heart banging the door firmly and finally on love.
My heart does not ignore the lover who is folded in a nurturing embrace where she has found her heart’s resting place, for i completely understand her. I know her joy, i muse at her abandon, i understand her smile and i recognise her rich laughter, no i don’t ignore her, not at all! She is standing in a rich place and standing tall, she is holding in her heart the very stuff that this world is made of. Loved by her prince whose heart and kingdom is laid to her claim, she can’t be ignored. Yes, i see her and the world sees her.
But what about the girl , the woman, the woman- girl who hides what lies beneath, what must not be known , what must not be seen? The one who scolds her desire like it’s a bastard child, turning her face adamantly away from it as though she was raped by love and now she hates it’s child- this bundle of weakening emotions that remind her of hungry thrusts that took and took and took.
I am writing for the disappointed who thought that love will be the missing link that makes life complete. I am writing for the true lover who came to love on a level ground and gave it 100% but found something else. Although it was called love, it manifested itself as selfish and one- sided. I am writing for the soul like a bruised reed bent in the wind, praying her broken heart wont break.
To the one who found herself ravaged like a house without gates. The one attacked by enemy forces banging against her walls of defense. With one last heave they reach her deepest, and all she hears is the eerie harmony of voices; his pitch with stolen pleasure, hers only cry, tears a last defense.
But God doesn’t sleep...
This season, i write for women on both sides of the valentine dream. For the woman experiencing the phantom and the woman experiencing the phantasy of valentine. For the woman ensconced and the woman scorned. For the woman fallen in love and the woman fallen out of love.
At the end of the day, it is not about how we have been loved but about how we have loved – wrongly or rightly; poorly or richly; sparingly or generously.
Happy Valentine.
February 08, 2011
The enemy of intimacy.
A distinguishing mark of christians is a deep, intimate and personal relationship with God that a child of God continually and daily tends. It is the distinguishing trademark of mature and obedient christians. The fruits and results of that fellowship manifest in other loving relationships, in courtesy and respect toward others, in behaivour that is admirable, in decisions that are wise, in actions that are not self- centered but of benefit to all, in habits/ideas/choices that attract and multiply success e.t.c.
In personal relationship with God, we become transformed by assocciation and come into possession of many desirable virtues characteristic of God himself. We begin to exude the brand presence of God’s people. The good news is this is the way God transforms us into his likeness. The bad news is this is the area the enemy will attack the most. One of the ways he attacks our identity as christians is by getting us to replace our time of intimacy with God with other “stuff”. He will tempt us with getting so busy with other things that cultivating closeness with God through prayer and bible study will suffer. Being too busy is an enemy of intimacy.
Over the last couple of months and maybe even most of last year, my schedule was crammed with a lot of things and in between catching up with this and balancing the other, i had an underlying discouragement about the little time i had to do God and me. Even when i settled down to it, there were other voices in my mind screaming for attention, reminding me i had to do something or i was behind with something else. Anyway, one day on an uneventfull road trip, i stared out of the window of a beat – up commercial vehicle transporting my even more beat- up body and finally had the desire to pray. I prayed quietly but deeply as the car meandered from city to city and i felt my heart soften in release. As if God had been waiting for an opening to get through to me, the thought of the parable of the sower dropped in my thoughts and i quickly opened the bible i had stuffed into my hand luggage to find the story. As i searched, i came to the verse about the seeds that fell on the soil where weeds came and chooked them up;
“... Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it...”
I continued to the explanation and realised that that was the exact state of my heart. See:
“ The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard and nothing comes of it.” (Mark 4: 3-20)
“How apt” i thought.
I certainly dont think God doesnt want us to strive to our highest potential, but i definately know he wants us to make room for him and for his words in our lives and in our hearts and he wants to produce in our lives results beyond our wildest dreams through his workings in us and through us. Every time i come across a verse i had discovered and highlighted in my bible years before, now forgotten, i wish for the good old days when i consumed the bible hungrily, and with nostalgia i pray desire finds fire in me to burn again.
Even as i write this there is still a lot of movement and motion in my heart but i am getting back into the steadfast word of God and making room for it in my time and in my heart. In Jesus’s time, do you know the thing that plagued the people who didnt embrace him? The word of God didn’t find entrance in their hearts even when they heard it. We shouldn’t let that happen to us. I came across a scripture in Ezra that captures and fortifies my hope in this area this year:
“Ezra had committed himself to studying the Revelation of God , to living it, and to teaching Isreal to live it’s truth and ways.” Ezra 7: 10, MSG
Hookayyyyy! Time to get ready for work, i hope you were blessed reading. Later!
In personal relationship with God, we become transformed by assocciation and come into possession of many desirable virtues characteristic of God himself. We begin to exude the brand presence of God’s people. The good news is this is the way God transforms us into his likeness. The bad news is this is the area the enemy will attack the most. One of the ways he attacks our identity as christians is by getting us to replace our time of intimacy with God with other “stuff”. He will tempt us with getting so busy with other things that cultivating closeness with God through prayer and bible study will suffer. Being too busy is an enemy of intimacy.
Over the last couple of months and maybe even most of last year, my schedule was crammed with a lot of things and in between catching up with this and balancing the other, i had an underlying discouragement about the little time i had to do God and me. Even when i settled down to it, there were other voices in my mind screaming for attention, reminding me i had to do something or i was behind with something else. Anyway, one day on an uneventfull road trip, i stared out of the window of a beat – up commercial vehicle transporting my even more beat- up body and finally had the desire to pray. I prayed quietly but deeply as the car meandered from city to city and i felt my heart soften in release. As if God had been waiting for an opening to get through to me, the thought of the parable of the sower dropped in my thoughts and i quickly opened the bible i had stuffed into my hand luggage to find the story. As i searched, i came to the verse about the seeds that fell on the soil where weeds came and chooked them up;
“... Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it...”
I continued to the explanation and realised that that was the exact state of my heart. See:
“ The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard and nothing comes of it.” (Mark 4: 3-20)
“How apt” i thought.
I certainly dont think God doesnt want us to strive to our highest potential, but i definately know he wants us to make room for him and for his words in our lives and in our hearts and he wants to produce in our lives results beyond our wildest dreams through his workings in us and through us. Every time i come across a verse i had discovered and highlighted in my bible years before, now forgotten, i wish for the good old days when i consumed the bible hungrily, and with nostalgia i pray desire finds fire in me to burn again.
Even as i write this there is still a lot of movement and motion in my heart but i am getting back into the steadfast word of God and making room for it in my time and in my heart. In Jesus’s time, do you know the thing that plagued the people who didnt embrace him? The word of God didn’t find entrance in their hearts even when they heard it. We shouldn’t let that happen to us. I came across a scripture in Ezra that captures and fortifies my hope in this area this year:
“Ezra had committed himself to studying the Revelation of God , to living it, and to teaching Isreal to live it’s truth and ways.” Ezra 7: 10, MSG
Hookayyyyy! Time to get ready for work, i hope you were blessed reading. Later!
December 09, 2010
The old FASHIONS of love
Something about weddings and marriage remind me of the church where i grew up. Every now and again when i return to visit, the place looks smaller and the sermons sound familiar. The seniors also look older and i wonder if they shrunk overnight because now they are less- threatening and less like the no - nonsense people i used to know. Age passes the baton of exuberance between generations, relieving one and appointing the next. There is just an unapologetic charm in quaint chapels like mine. It’s the same quaintness of wedding into married life. It has little to do with the good quality of the music, the fashion sense of the majority or the sohisticated order of the service, which may sometimes be lacking. The secret lies in that sense of belonging which exudes to newcomer and old timer alike. The appeal is in the state of harmony where oddity blends with antiquity to form a mosaic of many picturesque moments!
In my chapel, it’s the familiarity that changes what could be considered uncouth between strangers into fodder for hearty laughter among friends. It’s the unburied fights between the disapproving older generation and the defensive younger generation. They have never quite gotten over your unforgivable, adolescent disregard for their preferences in music and fashion! They will never understand why you like to wear your skirts a bit shorter or your make-up a little bolder, neither will they ever decipher your preference for trousers over skirts!
These sentiments are a few of the elements which add an intangible value to the tradditional church where i come from. When i am there, i am received like i never went away. I realise i am still plugged into the lingo, the in- house jokes and all of the favours bequeathed to me as a reward for being a part of it’s history. That history has also become a defining part of my cornucopia of life’s experiences. For this communual feeling which i cannot find within the walls of any mega- church, i go back to the good, old - fashioned chapel from time to time!
But that is not all. There is something old - fashioned too about weddings. Something old - fashioned about love. Old - fashioned as our ancestors who came before us and inexhaustible as eternity to come and eternity before us! (did you get the pun?). And it is not common that an old love is reincarnated so that two young people share in modern millennia, a love that is pure and wise and true and unselfish; one reminiscent of the old fashions of love. I attended a wedding that joined in matrimony a very old - fashioned love between two discerningly wise, young and
“new- fashion” people.
“What does old - fashioned love look like?” you ask me. I’ll tell you.
If you have loved before then you must know that love is spiritual. Something about the free- giving and free- receiving of hearts bears resemblance to a human being laying down or giving up his/her life for a friend. Divine. This is how you can discern it: If your love does not need to unburden the truth or shower with abundance the undeserving or run up a debt of forgiveness or sacrifice self to preserve it or worship God for the very gift of having it , then you are experiencing an inferior form of it. If your love isnt brazen enough to fulfill itself in the way your heart has taught it to you, but you have to look in the books of others first to adapt it, you haven’t found it!
Between those two leaf- loves (a type of songbird) getting married, there where a thousand words but their quiet submission to God and each other was the sum of them all. Selah!
The old fashions of love remain. Pure, simple and unclaimed for every heart sincere enough to reach it. Love never needed an adjective to qualify it. It never needed to be differentiated into true love, real love, erotic love, pure love or one love! It was just this plain, old - fashioned thing called: love. Although it manifests in and is made evident by many things, and although many things bear it witness, love itself is only one thing.
I promised you tales of frills and laces, pinks and beige, feathers and roses... fail you i dare not! It’s the wedding series people!
December 07, 2010
The WEDDING series (LOL , this is going to be hilarious...)!
I love weddings when i have one to attend and i always allow myself be swept into the wispy, misty , fairy tale aura they create. What all that “hinglish” there means is that i just cooperate with the atmosphere and let it teach me what to feel... ( if only people did that often they’d be more blessed in church, look more empathetic to their friends and family and have more romantic moments multiplied unto them in their relationships lol).
Weddings indeed give us rare moments to savor . They are the only events where every generation in the family can participate and enjoy each others role amicably. The younger generation get the chance to “bugey” and be exuberant while the Uncles and Aunties watch admiring their energy and creativity and the older generation get to sway to more laid back music thrilling the young with their more deliberate and calculated moves. Even the children are admired for their dexterity on the dance floor and are permitted to steal the spot light from time to time. Also at weddings, we regain our familiarity with solemn moments which thereafter fade into the drab and drag of our daily grind.
At weddings i scan for those soft and subtle moments that pass by you, their signals so tiny on your emotion’o’meter that you almost miss them if you aren’t tuned into the magic that is possible in that atmosphere. My favorite part is the exchange of vows between the couple. Something about the hush as the couples say to each other words of ardent devotion, sets into motion the goose bumps that travel up every inch of skin on my body, transporting teardrops into my eyes! I lie not! (They are called goose tears!)
Some things never escape me like the nervous look of the bride when the Minister says in heightened suspense, ”you may kiss the bride” or the tender look of the couple’s parents as they witness a replay of their own joining or the oohs and aahs of the single ladies hanging on to their seats in excitement as they watch their fantasies jump to life straight out of the pages of a romance novel! (or straight out of the cob webs of their over used fantasies which are frequently rehearsed , reviewed and reused at the slightest excuse of a romantic desire, untill all passing thought is followed in hot pursuit by their wedding day dreams!) Seriously some people are hooked on the idea of a marriage ceremony and they need to be checked into the “ the wedding day dreamer rehab centre”!
This year a number of my friends donned the sacrificial white dress and took unhastened steps to vow at the sacred altar, where in a ceremonial gathering of traditional witnesses, they were sworn into a marital union! (LOLLLLL! Did i have to make it sound eerie like that?). Well i have memoirs from each wedding which i tell here in a series of epistles! Join me as we go through the maze of emotions to capture from the delicate threads of memory, wedding tales of laces and frills, dames and maids, brides and bridezillas... and i’ll tell you everything. I promise...
To be continued.....lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!
Weddings indeed give us rare moments to savor . They are the only events where every generation in the family can participate and enjoy each others role amicably. The younger generation get the chance to “bugey” and be exuberant while the Uncles and Aunties watch admiring their energy and creativity and the older generation get to sway to more laid back music thrilling the young with their more deliberate and calculated moves. Even the children are admired for their dexterity on the dance floor and are permitted to steal the spot light from time to time. Also at weddings, we regain our familiarity with solemn moments which thereafter fade into the drab and drag of our daily grind.
At weddings i scan for those soft and subtle moments that pass by you, their signals so tiny on your emotion’o’meter that you almost miss them if you aren’t tuned into the magic that is possible in that atmosphere. My favorite part is the exchange of vows between the couple. Something about the hush as the couples say to each other words of ardent devotion, sets into motion the goose bumps that travel up every inch of skin on my body, transporting teardrops into my eyes! I lie not! (They are called goose tears!)
Some things never escape me like the nervous look of the bride when the Minister says in heightened suspense, ”you may kiss the bride” or the tender look of the couple’s parents as they witness a replay of their own joining or the oohs and aahs of the single ladies hanging on to their seats in excitement as they watch their fantasies jump to life straight out of the pages of a romance novel! (or straight out of the cob webs of their over used fantasies which are frequently rehearsed , reviewed and reused at the slightest excuse of a romantic desire, untill all passing thought is followed in hot pursuit by their wedding day dreams!) Seriously some people are hooked on the idea of a marriage ceremony and they need to be checked into the “ the wedding day dreamer rehab centre”!
This year a number of my friends donned the sacrificial white dress and took unhastened steps to vow at the sacred altar, where in a ceremonial gathering of traditional witnesses, they were sworn into a marital union! (LOLLLLL! Did i have to make it sound eerie like that?). Well i have memoirs from each wedding which i tell here in a series of epistles! Join me as we go through the maze of emotions to capture from the delicate threads of memory, wedding tales of laces and frills, dames and maids, brides and bridezillas... and i’ll tell you everything. I promise...
To be continued.....lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!
November 22, 2010
THE ENEMY WITHIN
There are four things that are unnatural to me in this life. Four things i cannot bear! It is unnatural to say “let there be light” in my house and there is no light. Even God said “let there be light” and there was light! The second thing i cannot stand is to see a dissappointed youth. The very strength of youth implies possibility, so it is very unnatural to have youth and strength and live below the potential and promise it holds.
The third thing that i think is absolutely unnatural is a burnt field. Greenery burnt to char, the ground laid bare and wasted, trees parched up, dried of their moisture and stifled of their life. That picture is unnatural. Green grass, vibrant trees, abundant lush? That’s nature. That’s natural. Life is natural, abundance is natural, vibrance is natural , productivity is natural, fruiting is natural, being supported by the piece of earth that holds your roots is natural, just like it is natural for our country to prosper and unnatural for it to fail miserably in the clutches of poverty, corruption, injustice, and it’s other unnatural ills.
The fourth thing i cannot bear, that is unbearably unnatural, is to have a dream, to see it, hear it, taste it, feel it and then it doesn’t come true. One reason why people’s dreams don’t come true is called “discouragement”. It is a silent killer. It is potent enough to take out not only the dreams of one person but even the hopes of an entire nation.
For instance, in Nigeria, we have seen so much oppression, corruption and injustice and have witnessed the untimely abortion of many attempts at sanity in some sectors, so when someone expresses a positive hope for our country in our hearing, we respond half heartedly that things will never change. They can and they will but discouragement will steal our chance if we let it. I tell you, whenever God is trying to do the impossible in our lives or in a people he stirs up hope, he inspires “believe” , he awakens faith. Isn’t that what God is prompting us to do for our country? Hope. The devil has gotten wind of that and is trying to stiffle it because he knows that if we dare have hope as a country, we would start to pray. And when we pray things will change.
The very rythm of steady prayer will unite us in one purpose. Our collective prayers will harness for us the most powerful forces in the universe: prayer and unity. That’s why we need to take hold of that line of hope, muster our strength and pray out the devil and his pandora’s box of evil from our land.
Have you ever come to a stalemate where you lack strength and inner resolve and feel a total loss of energy to do something you used to believe in or feel strongly about? Have you ever felt irritated by a pattern playing out in your life but can’t seem to muster enough strength to change it and you feel like you are helplessly watching yourself do nothing?
Discouragement is the enemy of strength. The devil is the author of discouragement. The tools of his trade are obstacles meant to stymie (hinder, block, thwart, prevent, confound, frustrate, upset, stump, mystify, baffle) your dreams and desires. He specialises in stinging you with a dose of unpleasant reality until you accept defeat.
Let me show what the blueprint says-
we are God’s own handiwork, recreated in Christ Jesus by being born again( being born into a spiritual life with him) so that we may do those good works which God predestined or planned before hand for us, taking those parts which he prepared ahead of time that we should walk in them, living the good life which he prearranged and made ready us to live.
And it also says:
God is able to make all grace, favour and earthly blessing come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self sufficient, possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation.
That’s whats up for grabs. That’s what discouragement is trying to rob you of.
I’m really daring to “a state of believe”, anyone who feels discouraged about a forward movement that they are expecting to happen in their life. It is natural to be happy, settled, established or fulfilled. It is natural to prosper. The devil will try to discourage that hope, don’t let him win over you. For that person, you need to pray against every hindrance the devil has put in your way, in your thoughts, in your mind, in your attitude or in your emotions.
In 1 thessalonian 2:18, Paul talks about being hindered, impeded and stymied by the Devil when he was making repeated efforts to see the believers at Thessalonica. Yep that happens so pray. You need to sustain your faith and hope by feeding on the word of God- the source of faith. Ever read these words in your bible; “Faith cometh by hearing the word of God”?
God will put steel into the frailest hopes and faintest expectations and give you the power you need to break out of the stalemate of discouragement. It is God who is all the while effectually at work in you , energizing and creating in you the power and desire both to will and do what needs to be done to make your dreams come true.
I pray that God grants you today; to be strenghtened and reinforced with mighty power in your innerman, by the Holyspirit who himself indwells your innermost being and your personality, so that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp a total measure of what God has prepared for you to have and experience.
Don’t be discouraged. Be full of hope.
The third thing that i think is absolutely unnatural is a burnt field. Greenery burnt to char, the ground laid bare and wasted, trees parched up, dried of their moisture and stifled of their life. That picture is unnatural. Green grass, vibrant trees, abundant lush? That’s nature. That’s natural. Life is natural, abundance is natural, vibrance is natural , productivity is natural, fruiting is natural, being supported by the piece of earth that holds your roots is natural, just like it is natural for our country to prosper and unnatural for it to fail miserably in the clutches of poverty, corruption, injustice, and it’s other unnatural ills.
The fourth thing i cannot bear, that is unbearably unnatural, is to have a dream, to see it, hear it, taste it, feel it and then it doesn’t come true. One reason why people’s dreams don’t come true is called “discouragement”. It is a silent killer. It is potent enough to take out not only the dreams of one person but even the hopes of an entire nation.
For instance, in Nigeria, we have seen so much oppression, corruption and injustice and have witnessed the untimely abortion of many attempts at sanity in some sectors, so when someone expresses a positive hope for our country in our hearing, we respond half heartedly that things will never change. They can and they will but discouragement will steal our chance if we let it. I tell you, whenever God is trying to do the impossible in our lives or in a people he stirs up hope, he inspires “believe” , he awakens faith. Isn’t that what God is prompting us to do for our country? Hope. The devil has gotten wind of that and is trying to stiffle it because he knows that if we dare have hope as a country, we would start to pray. And when we pray things will change.
The very rythm of steady prayer will unite us in one purpose. Our collective prayers will harness for us the most powerful forces in the universe: prayer and unity. That’s why we need to take hold of that line of hope, muster our strength and pray out the devil and his pandora’s box of evil from our land.
Have you ever come to a stalemate where you lack strength and inner resolve and feel a total loss of energy to do something you used to believe in or feel strongly about? Have you ever felt irritated by a pattern playing out in your life but can’t seem to muster enough strength to change it and you feel like you are helplessly watching yourself do nothing?
Discouragement is the enemy of strength. The devil is the author of discouragement. The tools of his trade are obstacles meant to stymie (hinder, block, thwart, prevent, confound, frustrate, upset, stump, mystify, baffle) your dreams and desires. He specialises in stinging you with a dose of unpleasant reality until you accept defeat.
Let me show what the blueprint says-
we are God’s own handiwork, recreated in Christ Jesus by being born again( being born into a spiritual life with him) so that we may do those good works which God predestined or planned before hand for us, taking those parts which he prepared ahead of time that we should walk in them, living the good life which he prearranged and made ready us to live.
And it also says:
God is able to make all grace, favour and earthly blessing come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self sufficient, possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation.
That’s whats up for grabs. That’s what discouragement is trying to rob you of.
I’m really daring to “a state of believe”, anyone who feels discouraged about a forward movement that they are expecting to happen in their life. It is natural to be happy, settled, established or fulfilled. It is natural to prosper. The devil will try to discourage that hope, don’t let him win over you. For that person, you need to pray against every hindrance the devil has put in your way, in your thoughts, in your mind, in your attitude or in your emotions.
In 1 thessalonian 2:18, Paul talks about being hindered, impeded and stymied by the Devil when he was making repeated efforts to see the believers at Thessalonica. Yep that happens so pray. You need to sustain your faith and hope by feeding on the word of God- the source of faith. Ever read these words in your bible; “Faith cometh by hearing the word of God”?
God will put steel into the frailest hopes and faintest expectations and give you the power you need to break out of the stalemate of discouragement. It is God who is all the while effectually at work in you , energizing and creating in you the power and desire both to will and do what needs to be done to make your dreams come true.
I pray that God grants you today; to be strenghtened and reinforced with mighty power in your innerman, by the Holyspirit who himself indwells your innermost being and your personality, so that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp a total measure of what God has prepared for you to have and experience.
Don’t be discouraged. Be full of hope.
November 14, 2010
THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS...
From the time i was little, i have been attracted to things that sparkle in the light. I remember how i used to pick up beads, colored embellishments, sequins, even sweet wraps, stones and pieces of glass. I pretended they where precious stones and i was a princess. They were my wardrobe for my princess diary fantasies. So today when i insist a tailored dress must come fully embellished with stones and shiny things my mum just laughs whimsically reminiscing my wee days when i waited for the studs on her shoes to fall off, ran after the colored stones on her laces, or pretended to be her wearing her jewelry!
Well i guess old habits die hard because when i enter a jewelry store i catch fever just looking from one show glass to the next. The large cocktail rings, the bracelets, the beaded and chain neck pieces, the studded belts, and tasty ear pieces leave my throat dry. A colleague who once witnessed my fidgeting was totally bewildered. He said commenting on the incident later, that i was literary shaking! I have since earned the names Esmeralda , Bedazzled and Sparklerella from my girlfriend who teases me whenever i make an appearance with a new piece for my jewelry collection. Yes i like all that glitters, gold or not!
But now to the good stuff....
The idea of 2010 was hard for me to capture even 2-3 years ago because it looked like a major milestone from Y2K, but 2010 has come and is passing and i thought i should write something to remind us about the goals we made at the beginning of the year.
Sometimes in the pursuit of our goals we ourselves could be the stumbling blocks - now i don’t mean we physically do things to hurt or hinder our progress but i refer to our thoughts where we can think up the obstacles of fear, dig pits of discouragement or blot out the light of hope with doubt. The enemy within is a mind full of disempowering beliefs, negative emotions and negative thoughts.
A negative thought is that line of discussion you have with yourself that drains your energy and keeps you from moving forward toward a solution or a desired result.”They are disintegrating elements which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, useless” says Author James Allen about thoughts like doubt and fear in his book, As a man thinketh. A mind assailed by self doubt and/or crippling fears doesn’t believe in itself. These thoughts of inability or weakness lead to failure.
Wouldn’t it be ironical to expend physical effort to attain a goal and at the same time continue to frustrate it’s accomplishment by entertaining thoughts and phobias, attitudes and habits which do not harmonize with what you want and desire? James Allen writes “ As the physically weak man can make himself strong so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong”. Personally i read my bible every day because it is a repository of positive thoughts and right attitudes that attract success. The general idea is to align your dominant thoughts with the attainment of the goals you are externally striving to achieve.
You are most certainly not your moment of weakness or your experience of failure. You are not your weakness, YOU are your strengths put together. Rehearsing poor thoughts won’t give you a sense of power but a sense of failure and inadequacy. There’s more to define our capability than mistakes we’ve made. There’s more to show our strength than the trials that have defeated us. We are people with ability to do and to change and that’s the kind of thinking that should be in a mind that has become friends with itself and its goals.
So there... as the year faithfully ticks away fulfilling its allotment of days, i hope someone reading this also ticks off as done this year’s allotment of goals!
Well i guess old habits die hard because when i enter a jewelry store i catch fever just looking from one show glass to the next. The large cocktail rings, the bracelets, the beaded and chain neck pieces, the studded belts, and tasty ear pieces leave my throat dry. A colleague who once witnessed my fidgeting was totally bewildered. He said commenting on the incident later, that i was literary shaking! I have since earned the names Esmeralda , Bedazzled and Sparklerella from my girlfriend who teases me whenever i make an appearance with a new piece for my jewelry collection. Yes i like all that glitters, gold or not!
But now to the good stuff....
The idea of 2010 was hard for me to capture even 2-3 years ago because it looked like a major milestone from Y2K, but 2010 has come and is passing and i thought i should write something to remind us about the goals we made at the beginning of the year.
Sometimes in the pursuit of our goals we ourselves could be the stumbling blocks - now i don’t mean we physically do things to hurt or hinder our progress but i refer to our thoughts where we can think up the obstacles of fear, dig pits of discouragement or blot out the light of hope with doubt. The enemy within is a mind full of disempowering beliefs, negative emotions and negative thoughts.
A negative thought is that line of discussion you have with yourself that drains your energy and keeps you from moving forward toward a solution or a desired result.”They are disintegrating elements which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, useless” says Author James Allen about thoughts like doubt and fear in his book, As a man thinketh. A mind assailed by self doubt and/or crippling fears doesn’t believe in itself. These thoughts of inability or weakness lead to failure.
Wouldn’t it be ironical to expend physical effort to attain a goal and at the same time continue to frustrate it’s accomplishment by entertaining thoughts and phobias, attitudes and habits which do not harmonize with what you want and desire? James Allen writes “ As the physically weak man can make himself strong so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong”. Personally i read my bible every day because it is a repository of positive thoughts and right attitudes that attract success. The general idea is to align your dominant thoughts with the attainment of the goals you are externally striving to achieve.
You are most certainly not your moment of weakness or your experience of failure. You are not your weakness, YOU are your strengths put together. Rehearsing poor thoughts won’t give you a sense of power but a sense of failure and inadequacy. There’s more to define our capability than mistakes we’ve made. There’s more to show our strength than the trials that have defeated us. We are people with ability to do and to change and that’s the kind of thinking that should be in a mind that has become friends with itself and its goals.
So there... as the year faithfully ticks away fulfilling its allotment of days, i hope someone reading this also ticks off as done this year’s allotment of goals!
November 07, 2010
Eka’s bridal shower
Eka is the modern day Florence Nightingale with a Monalisa smile. She’s quite the girl next door so when the girls asked me to be the emcee at her bridal shower, i knew it would be a sensible evening. Bridal showers these days turn into wild parties crawling with good girls anxious to get bad. The game of “truth or dare” is quite a favorite, because you can get away with asking a total stranger their dirty secrets or with taunting a friend into confessing a surreptitious tryst. Wresting truth from unwilling lips gets more entertaining when a girl chooses a dare. When this happens, her “questioner” becomes the evil stepsister, daring her to an embarrasing task with a penalty. But knowing our bride -to- be, we suspected she would exorcise her guests of such schoolgirl antics if we dared them.
We realised there would be different classes of women; single, dating, engaged, and married. It could be an opportunity to trade life’s recipes and hand down ageless secrets, woman to woman. So began the best bridal shower i ever attended. We spent our time asking questions, sharing experiences and trading lessons. The single girls wanted to know the challenges of their married friends. Everybody wanted to know how Eka met Mr Right.
We spent an especially long time resolving one girl’s concern about sex before marriage. I was alarmed when i realized how little the younger girls knew. While they had been told sex outside the nurturing environment of a marriage relationship was wrong, nobody had ever told them why. Even those who thought it was wrong based on religion, could not back their religious beliefs with personal conviction. There was a brief arguement then but Eka punctuated it from a biblical standpoint that fornication is a sin and God’s way is abstainance. For a minute we forgot it was a bridal shower not a women’s conference.
We tackled the myth that if a girl didn’t have “work experience”, a man wouldn’t want her but which man likes to know someone has had you before he married you? I wondered if those who peddled these ideas would be happy to teach it to their sisters. We agreed that if it wasn’t good for the sisters it definately wasn’t good for the girlfriends. One undergrad student was scared her boyfriend would leave her if she didn’t give in. If he really loves you he wont ask you to do something you don’t want to or threaten to leave you because you didn’t let him have his way. But what if you’re sure you’ll marry him?
To help the girls we did an exercise called “Getting motivated by the fear of consequences”. We explored all the possible effects of dating with “benefits”. We considered every angle including how it could affect the ladies emotionally and spiritually. We also explored hypothetical scenarios, like what could happen if they were found out by someone who would be dissappointed in them or if they realised it wasn’t love but he just wanted to get in their pants or if he dumped them for another girl or if they ended up marrying someone else. Here, i observed that every one seemed to know a tale about some friend whose freedom of expression later caught up with her in married life. By the end of the exercise, we noticed that while getting pregnant was a common item on their lists, getting dumped and contracting a disease were some of the most feared consequences.
Just before the food was put away and the dancing began, every woman in the house gave the bride -to- be a piece of advice. Each woman gave freely from her experience. It was all heart felt, Eka cried. Many days later, i still cherish the bond of sisterhood formed from laughter loaned and tears borrowed at Eka’s bridal shower.
We realised there would be different classes of women; single, dating, engaged, and married. It could be an opportunity to trade life’s recipes and hand down ageless secrets, woman to woman. So began the best bridal shower i ever attended. We spent our time asking questions, sharing experiences and trading lessons. The single girls wanted to know the challenges of their married friends. Everybody wanted to know how Eka met Mr Right.
We spent an especially long time resolving one girl’s concern about sex before marriage. I was alarmed when i realized how little the younger girls knew. While they had been told sex outside the nurturing environment of a marriage relationship was wrong, nobody had ever told them why. Even those who thought it was wrong based on religion, could not back their religious beliefs with personal conviction. There was a brief arguement then but Eka punctuated it from a biblical standpoint that fornication is a sin and God’s way is abstainance. For a minute we forgot it was a bridal shower not a women’s conference.
We tackled the myth that if a girl didn’t have “work experience”, a man wouldn’t want her but which man likes to know someone has had you before he married you? I wondered if those who peddled these ideas would be happy to teach it to their sisters. We agreed that if it wasn’t good for the sisters it definately wasn’t good for the girlfriends. One undergrad student was scared her boyfriend would leave her if she didn’t give in. If he really loves you he wont ask you to do something you don’t want to or threaten to leave you because you didn’t let him have his way. But what if you’re sure you’ll marry him?
To help the girls we did an exercise called “Getting motivated by the fear of consequences”. We explored all the possible effects of dating with “benefits”. We considered every angle including how it could affect the ladies emotionally and spiritually. We also explored hypothetical scenarios, like what could happen if they were found out by someone who would be dissappointed in them or if they realised it wasn’t love but he just wanted to get in their pants or if he dumped them for another girl or if they ended up marrying someone else. Here, i observed that every one seemed to know a tale about some friend whose freedom of expression later caught up with her in married life. By the end of the exercise, we noticed that while getting pregnant was a common item on their lists, getting dumped and contracting a disease were some of the most feared consequences.
Just before the food was put away and the dancing began, every woman in the house gave the bride -to- be a piece of advice. Each woman gave freely from her experience. It was all heart felt, Eka cried. Many days later, i still cherish the bond of sisterhood formed from laughter loaned and tears borrowed at Eka’s bridal shower.
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