March 27, 2015

What not to say to a bride on her wedding day

1. I'm sorry I won't be able to make it

Don't make your piece of disappointing news the subject of your call to them on their happy day; call days before to relay your inability to attend so you can use your call that day to create more memorable felicitations with your friend, colleague or relative getting married .

2. How do I get to the venue?

Again, it is better to do this earlier or call the numbers on the R.S.V.P. Trust me the last thing on a bride's mind is giving you directions, she probably has one naked leg she is trying to push into shoes and ten hands fixing hair, makeup, accessories, basket and gown all at once.

3. When will I get my balance?

This is for vendors. I didn't get how vendors wanted to be paid 100% without delivery and got many telling me about how one bride ran off on her honeymoon and their payments entered voicemail. But we've also heard of vendors who chop the money and the couple never get the video, album, agreed cake or menu so vendors, its a two way street.

As much as was possible I didn't do 100% payments until after delivery and sorted balances  quickly to keep my own end of payment agreements with each vendor. I don't know if it helped delivery but it certainly gave me peace of mind.

4. We want to do something else instead of what was previously agreed

A vendor actually called me the morning of the wedding to tell me a previous agreed detail would be changed. It didn't have to be but the caller wanted things her way and allowed the devil tempting her make her call me to insist on a detail she had half heartedly agreed I could have my way. It took long suffering to calmly tell her "NO" for the umpteenth time.

5. We didn't get food/souvenir/recognitions et al

This didn't happen to me from guests at my wedding although I didn't get food lol (we couldn't be bothered to eat cause it was all dance dance dance and no one remembered we hadn't had a bit to eat lol) but in general I think when you go to a wedding, you go to bless and we can do that assignment well by asking nothing of the couple but to add to the smiles they have on their faces that day.


March 20, 2015

And So?

Haruna and I are different in many ways and the point of clash between our two different personalities sparks insights into mine sometimes.

For instance, he thinks nothing of PDA and I sometimes find it blush worthy. When we were dating and he would reach for me in public, I would cringe into my skin in anticipated embarrassment at being seen by someone I imagined I would turn blush red in front of.

"When are you going to stop all this your shyness", He would say and I would offer my usual reply after my spasm of shyness had subsided  "Maybe when we are married"

Then we got married and one evening he found himself struggling to find where to place a wet one as my face balked in argument. "Someone will see", my mouth said in total agreement with every other defying part of my body

"And so?" came the interrogatory reply.

A light bulb turned on.

Like my PDA aversion, many times we hold back because of the imprisoning inhibitions in our minds threatening us with consequences we have feared would bite but can only bark; consequences we've grown the teeth to bite back with or ones that we've outgrown or that no longer apply.

If I do that , so and so will talk?

And so what?

If I buy that car, they will say this and that?

And so what?

We need to start asking grilling questions of our fears and facing them, rather than taking counsel of them. Salvation will come to many a soul who asks "So what" at the limiting thoughts that have kept them from living the life they want.

And about my PDA gone bad described earlier, after he said "And so what?" I fell into a stifled silence because I couldn't talk anymore. Literarily!

Side Note:

There are endless applications for the Universal Question. I suggest using it every time you feel yourself hesitating to do something that might deepen or broaden your life. The answer to the question "So?" is almost always "Well, when you put it that way..." It pushes us into the spotlight, showing us we can survive there and freeing us to act on our best instincts.

Today, remember that what you perceive as prudent social caution is probably limiting your life to about half its natural capacity; that if you did everything you long to do twice as often, twice as boldly, twice as openly, you wouldn't attract a shred more social pressure than you already think you're getting. Consider that vaulting well past the limits of your inhibitions will probably earn you more positive attention than negative judgment. More often than not, this will work out well. If it doesn't, remember the most enlightening of questions: "So?" Little by little, you'll feel and see that the worst consequences of living in the light are less oppressive than the best advantages of hiding in the shadows

Read more:

March 16, 2015

We did!

He said I do, 
I did too 
and so we did!
See previous articles on weddings here, here and here!

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