February 02, 2017

Bad dreams: I demand to re-dream!

In the words of the author of Loving What is, Bryon Katie, reality is often kinder than the bad dreams (both the kind we see in our sleep or the ones we conjure in our heads) we allow terrify us. In reality, we are usually just lying on a bed or seating on a chair- doing fine! Patricia Omoqui summarizes it well when she said in her comment on Twitter- we can wake up any moment we choose!

I awoke in reality.

Everything looked all right in my surroundings. 

I knew it was cold outside but I was snug underneath an insulated duvet, kept warm by a well functioning heater that was kindly regulating the temperature whether I was aware of it or not.

My body was well supported on a comfortable bed yet I was collapsing inside.

There was nothing in the room to terrify me yet I was acting as if I was still trapped in the bad dream- asleep.

I didn't want to be alone or go back to bed. By force of habit, I turned to prayer. The words I was feverishly saying didn't feel right, then I noticed I was actually annoyed!

I had had a full day. I had done everything as expected of me. I was tired and I deserved to close my eyes on my bed and sleep peacefully. Whish kain nonsense dream was that?

Any dream that wasn't serving me wasn't for me. Besides, I never felt God spoke to me through dreams. I was so pissed by now that I said aloud, "I demand a redream!" Away with this apparition- this False Evidence Appearing to be Real. In the words of my friend, Adunni, no apprentice devil was going to play with my head.

I still didn't want to go back to sleep but found something positive to  keep my mind set on. I still prayed but this time I prayed not to be deceived by fear. And I did wake up the other adult in the house and let him hold me like a baby while I held myself together on the inside. 

And I continued to shake like a leaf but I waited it out patiently because I knew my heart needed time to catch up with what I knew in my head- that just because it felt real didn't make it so and just because it was in my mind didn't mean I had to believe it. 

Nothing bad had happened. I had only had a bad dream... and woken up.

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